(If you're new to this story, go here!)
And so... I moved on with my life. It wasn't easy. I was continually wondering 'was I too hasty? Did I make the right decision?' And for some reason, I couldn't get it out of my head that Victor would be very dissapointed and discouraged. But then I would ask myself 'Why should I care?'. The next few weeks, were very difficult for me. But finally, things were about to change... let me give you a peek into my journal to tell this part of the story.
Ocotber 20, 2006
One month from today, I'll be 19 years old. It's so hard to believe. I feel like I'm getting too old too fast.
A month from now we'll also be in Williston. Who knows what that will hold.
In so many ways lately, I've really wished I hadn't said "no" to Victor. Did I answer to hastily? I pray daily that he would ask again. Oh, if he only knew that if he asked again, I would say yes (to a correspondence)! I just keep turning everything over to God. In the end of it all I want to find myself in the middle of God's will, whether that means marriage to Victor or not.
God, Give me patience to wait...
October 28, 2006 :) 1:30 a.m. :)
Tonight has been so crazy! And it's not over yet!
We went to Beth w.'s Bridal shower tonight. I enjoyed talking to Ruby C. during dinner. She's such a sweet and Godly lady.
We brought Jessi home with us cause John had dropped her off at the shower and then gone home to visit with dad. Once we got home, we visited for a while and then they headed home.
After they left, Daddy and Mommy went to pick up the twins from working at the Hamiltons. When they got home, Daddy sat me down and told me that Victor had been on his heart lately and said he also sensed a change in my heart and feelings toward him (Victor). I was a little surprised, cause I had decided that I would just pray and wait on God. The only person I'd shared my feelings with was Angie (my sister). Who knows where this will go. God has changed my heart and life so much lately. Only He knows what will come of all this! He is so good to me.
During the devotional tonight, Sis. Jodi made a comment that really stood out to me. She said "God promises that those who trust in Him will never be ashamed or disappointed. The only times we are ashamed or disappointed, are when we place our hope and trust in ourselves."
Oh how very true that is...
...Nevertheless, Father, not my will, but Thine be done!
Daddy emailed Victor yesterday, and got a response this morning. He said he will pray about it and then get beck with us.
Later that day...
I'm beginning to understand what Victor went through back in the beginning of September. I have nothing to do, but wait and pray. I only hope I don't have to expierience the same response. God, grant me the grace to accept your will!!
My biggest prayer and goal, is that God would be glorified no matter what the outcome!
He alone is worthy of our honor and praise.
Oh, that I could come even close to giving Him the glory due His name.
October 30, 2006
Still no word! Oh, my soul, why are you so anxious? Put your trust in God!
I went out walking tongiht at 8:30. It was simply me and my blessed Savior. I poured out my heart to Him as I slowly walked over the moonlit gravel. It was a wonderful time, and I earnestly besseched my loving Heavenly Father for wisdom and guidance for Victor. It was then that the thought dawned on me, that Victor would be beginning his day with our heavenly Father at that time.
Oh God, grant us wisdom and patience! Help us bring glory to your name! Help me to put my trust in you and to wait patiently!
November 1, 2006
Well, we recieved an email from Victor this morning...
Now that I have time to finish this:) Daddy got an email from Victor this morning that said that his (Victor's) feelings had not changed and that he is open to a correspondence. Daddy has begun and I'm really excited to see what will come of all of this. The Maxson's plan to return to the states (they had been doing missionary work in Africa) either late December or early January... I'm really looking forward to seeing them all again!
And so, Daddy's correspondence with Victor had begun. They covered many issues and yet, found agreement! And so... what comes next?
(To be continued...)